The Great and Terrible Oz

At my job I have my direct boss(es) and then I have my indirect boss(es). One of my indirect bosses is the director of our department. In our office he has gained the nickname The Great and Terrible Oz (imagine that said in Morgan Freeman's voice with a sense of grandeur...impressive, right?).

I have worked in the job for 11 months as of today and I have never met the man. I work for him, yet I've never met him. He's made a few trips to my office, but every time I've had the day off or been on lunch. As a side comment once I told my immediate boss he was The Great and Terrible Oz (Repeat Morgan Freeman voiceover). She of course laughed at the thought and inquried as to why. Well...he signs my paychecks, he approves my work schedule, he offered my raise, and offered me a position at the other office when I move. But I have never seen him in the flesh...he is the man behind the curtain. Get it? I'm imagining you say "Got it." Goooood.

Well, today I met him. And I wish I hadn't. Not for the reasons you may be guessing. Simply because it was not in the situation I would have preferred.

I don't normally work this specific day, but because of my counterpart being sick I came in for a couple of hours that needed to be covered. Obviously I'm not wearing my office attire. I have my hair in a ponytail with hippie/granola braids all throughout. I'm chewing gum like a valley girl because of an issue I've been having with my upper GI tract which mint gum has been marginally helping. ...The doldrums are setting in, so I jump on facebook for a moment. An older gentleman I've never met before walks in and says "I'm here to check on **John." I check on John's schedule but he has no appointments. I say "John?..." waiting for a last name. He says "I'm Oz(saying his real name)." I stare dumbfoundedly at him and then a coworker says "Oh Oz, come on back!"

And that is how I met Oz. All the magic and mystery is now gone. I feel a little disillusioned, like when I found out Santa wasn't real. And he now will remember me as the unprofessionally-dressed-facebooking-blonde-granola-gum-chewing-ditz...who may not have a position at the other office after this.


** "John's" name has been changed for confidentiality reasons

It's not what you say, but how you say it...

People can sometimes inadvertently say the most amusing things. It can be a legitimate question or statement, but then their phrasing just makes it hilarious. A person walks into my parents house, sees me, and asks them "Is this your daughter?" ...well, no actually, you see I'm with the traveling circus and they've offered me a place to stay...Aren't they kind? I'm never good at answering these types of questions. You know, the ones that are awkward, obvious, or weird? Here's an example of me falling flat on my face when I got put in one of these situations.

Well-Meaning Individual: What year are you in school?

Me: A sophomore at college.

W.-M. I.: Oh, I didn't think you looked old enough.

(Frantic search for a response)

M.: ...I get that a lot...

I think to myself...Self, no you don't! You never get that. People always guess 2 to three years older. Why did you say that? Oh well...too late. Will I ever be successful at answering these? Most likely no. Sometimes I just don't answer. Like the other day I was writing a receipt. (Sidenote: Speaking of writing receipts, who still does that?! I thought that concept died with the dinosaurs. Apparently not.) As I'm writing the receipt...

Strange Man: You're a weird pencil holder.

Inner Dialogue With Self: This is a pen...not a pencil...but wait...I hold my pencil weird? What constitutes weird? I didn't know there was a right and wrong way to hold a pencil. I've been holding my pencil wrong for the last twenty years?! (yes, twenty, I came out of the womb already holding a pencil.) Why has no one told me before now?

Verbalization of Thoughts: ......If you have a cellphone, or any other electronics, with you it will need to be turned off and put in a locker before you begin your test.

I'M NOT YELLING!

Sometimes people just make me laugh and cringe at the same time.

(I won't regale you with the whole tale, but if you are curious about the preceding events, just ask.)

To make it simple, I had a client who was very upset with me because things were just not going their way that day. (Which I will mention that these events were totally out of my control since I'm the secretary.) Because of one issue, all of their appointments were having to be rescheduled, and this individual does not like being rescheduled. We had dealt twice on the phone already when the following events took place...

I was on the phone trying to explain that one week from that day was the soonest I could get them in when the line went dead. I assumed they had gotten angry to the point of hanging up on me (they were already being quite caddy with me and it wouldn't have been surprising) I waited for the phone to ring and the excuses to flow.

...and I waited...


...and I waited...

And then they came barging in the door... "I'm going to pretend that you did not just hang up on me, and I'm not going to yell at you about it!" was the first words out of their mouth.

And this is when I laughed and cringed and thought to myself..."Did you realize that you did just yell at me about what you were pretending didn't happen? ...aaahhh I didn't think so."

Red Flags

Because of recent events I feel it necessary to compile a list of what I believe a first date should not contain. This list is in no specific order, and may or may not(read: this all happened to me) have happened.

1) Being set up by a common friend, or worse, your bishop.

I guess it could have been worse; it could have been your parents. *shudder*

2) Being set up by a coworker, or worse, your boss.

oh and also, your dean may not be the best idea either.

3) Doubling with a married couple, or worse, a newly engaged one.

or a newly married and newly pregnant couple...yep that's worse

4) Getting no service at the restaurant, or worse, having your waitress blatantly flirting with your date.

...that brazen hussy

6) Going to a movie, or worse, going to a romantic comedy.

but it could be worse...you cry all the way through, or maybe he cries all the way through. (This part didn't really happen...but it sure would have been funny.)

7) Having your date text, or worse, facebook from their phone.

I would like to see that facebook status..."I'm on a date with the hottest girl ever" or maybe it was "This movie sucks." Yeah probably that. I could have told you a romantic comedy was a bad idea buddy!

8)Running into an old friend of his with whom he must "catch up" for 30 minutes, or worse, running into an old ex of his.

How is it possible that he knows nearly every person in Idaho Falls?!

9)Having to drive yourself on the date, or worse, getting your car anchovied on that date.

Yeah...I never got that smell out of the car...good thing it broke down.

10)Eating weird ethnic food, or worse, getting food poisoning from the weird ethnic food.

Running through a guys apartment trying to find a bathroom to puke is not conducive for a romantic first date...just sayin'.

Mass Assassination!

It's the new sensation!

So I'm sitting in my history class trying to learn (read: doodle in the margin of my notes) while the professor is explaining the craziness that went on in England during the early settlement of America. Apparently even after the English Civil War people were displeased with the monarchy. Shocking, I know. Well, as he points this novel idea out to the class, a student raises her hand...

Village Idiot: Well why didn't they assassinate him?

Me: *dumbfounded blank stare*

I'm sure at this point the professor explained something logical like "You don't just lob the head off of every king that dissatisfies you," but I don't know what he said for the sole reason I was still sitting in shock trying to process if I really heard what I thought I did. I turned to my friend and whispered...

Me: "Mass assassination!... It's the new sensation!"

Witty Friend: "...and it brings reformation!"

What I learned today in history: watch out for the village idiots; they may just assassinate you.

Come Again?

So, I have a friend on a mission, and his mom forwards emails that he sends so that all of his friends can hear how he is doing since he can't email any of us. With this week's email she attached a picture of him in front of the church for his area. Yes, that is a church. Don't believe me? Click on it to enlarge it and read the sign above him. It is definitely not like any church I've ever seen.

All I Need

So I'm breaking all sense of this blog's purpose and once again writing a serious post. This is getting weird...I need to work on adding some comedy. But this is a story I want to share with you about the power of prayer and tithing.

As you all know I've been working so that I can pay to go to school and save up for housing for next year. At the beginning of December I had enough money saved up to pay my tuition for spring semester; then life happened. I had two car accidents, of which I paid the deductable for one of them myself since it was my fault. Next, I applied for housing for next fall since it is very competitive to get apartments in Pocatello. What I didn't know when I started the application is I would have to pay my security deposit to even be on the wait list. Finally, it was the holidays and Christmas gifts don't buy themselves. Even the inexpensive ones.

When I sat down and went through my finances last week I realized something. After all these unforseen expenses, I didn't have enough money for tuition and even after my paycheck this week I would come up short if I had any other expenses. After tuition I was going to have no money for books. And then it hit me. I still had to pay tithing. I was going to come up short if I did and I didn't know how I was going to tell Mom and Dad I needed money to cover my shortfall on tuition and that I would need money for books. I considered putting off paying my tithing to the end of the month when I would have more than enough money to pay it. But as I considered this I realized that was the wrong route and I decided then and there that I would pay tithing and probably a bit extra for good measure this Sunday and hope something happened before the next day so I could pay my tuition. I said my prayers that night and said "Well I'm choosing to pay tithing, please back me up on this decision and help me find the money for school."

As I sat down to the computer tonight I was checking my email for work to see if I had a band contracted for sure or not for next week at school. There was an email from a random account at ISU I didn't recognize with a subject saying Richard C. Deus Trust Scholarship. It said "We received a Richard C. Deus Trust Scholarship for you, in the amount of $750, for the 2010 spring semester." I was speechless and nearly started to cry. This was exactly what I needed. Between this and another small scholarship I had received I have half of my tuition paid for now. I will have money for books and a little to spare. I tell you now; pay your tithing and pray. No matter what expenses are coming, if you have faith and pay tithing, the Lord will help you make ends meet. I am so blessed to have this lesson in tithing and the money I need to get my education. I pray that each of you can have the same blessings in your life when finances get tight.